Karina in Amsterdam

Day of Birth

2009-04-27T15:40:00.003+02:00

So it was my birthday couple of weeks ago... Spent a huge amount of money for a bar tab but found out that it was mostly spent on freaking random party crashers... ARGH!!! Go get your own party stupid ugly f**cks!! These randoms were brought along by people that I don't know so well either... hmmm GREAT! I wanted to have drinks with people from work and a couple of friends... but NOooooooooo.....

I know that I spent money on randoms because my actual friends drank so LITTLE and one friend never even bought beer from the TAB?!?!?! WHAT???? I HATE YOU RANDOMS!

Golden Rule for Birthday Parties: Do it at home with people you love and want to be with, not losers/instant friends over alcohol/stupid people.

I don't feel strange turning 24 because I've prepared myself a few months privy to my birthday. I answer "how old are you" question with "I'm almost 24.. yes I will be a quarter of century soon.. yes I agree what the f**ck am I still doing at uni at this age.. yes I feel young inside.. yes I look younger because I act immaturely.. YES YES YES!!!"

Besides that.. I had a lovely birthday with my Dutch family, my uncle cooked Nasi Goreng Kambing YUUUMMMMMM, GADO2 hhmmm lekker and Chinese Style Beef :)

It was my second birthday in Amsterdam.... haiihhhh I'm loving it and I'm staying....

So then I wonder where would be the next birthday party location?

800,000 tourists in Amsterdam...

2009-04-14T04:21:00.002+02:00

... for the Easter weekend.

I was pulling the night shifts in the store during the entire weekend, even if the store was flooded with tourists I am glad I wasn't out there in the streets walking shoulder to shoulder with sweaty tourists (haha). The sudden flock of travellers is quite "unexpected" considering we're all still suffering from the global crisis, perhaps they needed to escape and what better place is there than Amsterdam? The city of everything-and-anything is possible, so long as the money is there...

It was also odd that the bike racks were quite empty along the canals, which is quite unbelievable on a SATURDAY NIGHT and it was a clear beautiful day.. I see many of my Dutch friends heading home to reunite with their parents. So I guess Easter for both believers and non-believers provides the opportunity for all to vacate their houses and escape the daily grind.

Well Happy Easter Everyone :)

Living in the present

2009-03-25T12:28:00.000+01:00

I have deleted all my posts about a certain someone. (Mostly posts about the cheating, lying and bla bla). That person is totally irrelevant and forgotten.

I have a new glorious relationship and this time it's real; he's worthy and wonderful and I am in love. The last time I said I loved someone has proven to be completely false and because that love was not love, it was a mere cry for attention and care stemmed from my fear of loneliness.

This is love because I feel so good and there is an undeniable sense of peace within. I am so content and willing in giving and receiving love. No sense of burden/guilt, this love is beyond my expectations. I've looked long and hard for "my kind of love" but then love comes very easily with him -- lil Mr. Wonderful.

The age gap between us is close to 6 years, even in times of a global recession he has managed to stay employed and purchase a beautiful apartment in Amsterdam. He's inspirational, responsible and a real gentleman. I told him that every woman deserves to be with someone like him.

He showers me with compliments, gifts and I get the best hugs ever!! There is so much warmth in his blue eyes. Everyone I see has noticed a difference in my complexion (and figure hehe), I guess much of that is to do with being happily in love.

Gosh I sound like a love-sick puppy don't I?

I'm not "sick" though, I'm healthy, full of radiant energy and I'm so ready to take on the world hahaha.

I'm a happy person and as Sheryl's father once said about me, I have a sunny disposition. Once upon a time this blog was scribbled with my depressive dribblings but now the present has arrived and I'm back to my old me!

This blog is about my fascinating experience in Europe and the fact that I LOVE AMSTERDAM and wanting to live here so much that it aches inside!!

SO I PRESENT THE NEW BLOG of KARINA in AMSTERDAM:

crazy.funny.embarassing.chaotic.&.disastrous.stories.
Coming Soon!!

Let it snow.. let it snow.. let it snow..

2008-12-05T19:03:00.000+01:00

Cycling through the snow was simultaneously beautiful and painful. Those little ice pricks can really sting your face so I decided to stop and rest on the steps. I watched the snow drizzle down from the dark sky, so magical and precious. I was 22 years old when I witnessed my first snowfall, till this very day it has never ceased to amuse me.

My fingers are crossed for a white Christmas, just like the ones I’ve seen on the black box. I want to make snow angels and maybe a snowman. I have a gut feeling that I should expect something this Christmas, something wonderful I hope. For now I’ll close my eyes and dream.

Here we go again...

2008-11-30T01:32:00.000+01:00

These past few days have been so odd, I am having some sort of deja vu because I feel that I have taken this path before and have vowed to never ever go there again and yet here I am again.. So then I really haven't learnt anything, my heart is still a sitting duck and on Saturday morning I cried infront of a stranger. My aunt has told me that crying projects weakness and Dutch people are not sympathetic with a teary eyed adult. I haven't cried like that in a while, I thought I was stronger than that but then again maybe I needed to cry like a baby, it's strangely soothing.

Each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved. Difference of object does not alter singleness of passion. It merely intensifies it. We can have but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible. - Oscar Wilde in The Picture of Dorian Gray

There is however, one slight difference between the old and new Karina: the old one would have cried herself to sleep and sing along to Amy Winehouse's "Love is a Losing Game" but my darling I don't cry over anybody anymore, if anything what had happened to me in the past few days has been such a blessing :)

I held hands along the canals of the Amstel and kissed under the Magere Bridge with a crazy and funny man who is not afraid to be publicly affectionate. I experienced passionate love where he appreciated every inch of my body and was more concerned about my satisfaction than his. Every moment was a beautiful one and I couldn't stop smilling the next day.

Thank you.

Then there is this other guy, someone who clearly surpasses the level of my intelligence and maturity but is so cute and sweet that I resisted kissing him on our first encounter (because I didn't want to ruin my chances). I like to challenge his views and vice versa and we can talk about anything but the best part is his passion for music and dancing (ahh!). We went bar-hopping and discovered each other's lips whilst tuning into live piano action.

I was a little scared because I liked him but he revealed something very very important and I thought jeez not again but looking back I had such a great time! (Although I did ruin it the next morning by crying infront of him) HOWEVER, the point is while these men may not become my boyfriend, I have reproduced a great experience on two ocassions and for that, thank you.

As far consistency goes I am still deeply in love with Amsterdam, this city has so much to offer and the bike ride home along the canals and Zeilstraat just makes me want to stay here forever!! Something big is waiting for me here, I have yet to uncover my personal legend but I know it's here, there is some kind of magnet which draws me to Amsterdam's ground I just need to find my compass so I can move in the right direction.

Do I need to find that compass or is it within me already and I just need to give it a little nudge? What will pull the trigger? I guess I'm still clueless about the HOW part but I'm certain about the WHERE part and I guess that's one step in the right direction.

Maybe he was right, people are too busy fulfilling their dreams that they're putting love on hold so maybe I should let love find me and I hope that when that time comes I will be ready and that I will be able to recognize it, because dreams are best fulfilled when you are able to share it with another, I don't want to have a lonely view from the peak.

A New Leaf

2008-11-03T16:50:00.000+01:00

"Amsterdam autumn exhaled
I felt a generous sense of chill
the City of Sin has spoken
'tis time for change

As the trees shed their locks of hair
and the rain pours
I no longer mourn for the past
A new season, a new leaf,
a new life"

Indonesiaku..

2008-08-19T12:26:00.000+02:00

Home Sweet Home

I was fortunate enough to be home :) I have been separated from my birthland for one year and as my plane descended upon Soekarno-Hatta. I was having mixed feelings because to be honest I don't want to live in Indonesia anymore, it's just not me. As I happily headed towards the Quarantine Check so I can finally get to see my family, an official stopped me and asked to check for my bags! DAMN!! Now I know why I can't live here! I only had 20euros in my wallet and I was so UNHAPPY TO PART WITH IT!! (Usually you just give them something like 5euros or 50thousand rupiah). I can't deal with this corruption bullshit anymore aarghh..

My anger quickly disappeared as soon as I caught the sight of my Papa, Ravina and Luki. I can't believe that I'm home it's surreal. I guess the ONLY good thing about being home is seeing my family. Then again there's another the ONLY good thing food and friends. I noticed that things are not as cheap as before due to the oil price hike etc. I mean it's still ridiculously cheap compared to the prices here in Amsterdam but I didn't realise that the prices would climb so quickly.

I missed my family, I didn't miss Mark. The gap that Mark left within was not so easily closed because I did not have the support system. My lil sister would usually cheer me up with her stories, my mom would talk about her "don't waste your time on men" and my dad "just get another one..."

Home is where the heart is and my heart is with my family :)

Amy Winehouse - Love Is A Losing Game [Official Music Video]

2008-06-08T12:18:00.001+02:00

Myspace Profile

2008-05-23T11:39:00.000+02:00

I read the about me on my profile on myspace, I wrote it upon my arrival in Holland last year in August.

Below is just a clip of it:

I love the feeling or the vibe of Holland. People here are very friendly and extremely intelligent. The weather so far has been great but it's getting cold hehehe I love the city of Amsterdam and Apeldoorn. Everywhere I go I always see bikes but it's nice that I can breathe the fresh air and view the clear blue sky!

I can't wait to meet my classmates and other students. I hope I can finish on time. MUST FOCUS! and have a good time hehehe WORK HARD, play hard!

Then I came across this quote on a website:

I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacation with better care than they do their lives.Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change.
Jim Rohn

I don't want to escape anymore, I need to get back on track.. for me.
I know I'm better than this....

Change me back to me..

2008-05-18T11:50:00.000+02:00

I wrote this blog in the beginning on how much I loved Amsterdam. Instead this blog has turned into how much I love Mark. Out of all the blogs dedicated there was only one good blog: when he said I love you. We have gone through some turbulent times but I have to admit that indeed I am trapped in a toxic relationship. I'm trying to help him, he doesn't want help.

So many people have noticed how I've been somewhat on edge. Although he has helped me through this, his cheating is not excusable on all levels. I tolerated it again because I have made him the center of my world and I've convinced myself that I would be nothing without him.

None of them are true of course.

In the midst of loving him I also lost me... So may I say that now I'm going to change back to me, with or without him.

*My lil cousin and I :) [captured in August 2007]

Alles is Liefde

2008-03-17T22:23:00.000+01:00

All is love... alles is liefde

An undeniable sensational feeling is slowly seeping into my veins, I'm overtaken but still in control, I'm high from his scent and addicted to his stupid smile.. I'm in love, finally.

A week ago on the 11th March around 1AM he called me, I had fallen asleep already but I picked up anyways.

K: Yes?

Mr. Scrubbles: Are you asleep already?

K: a little disgruntled. Yes but it's okay, what is it?

M: I have something to say to you. Oh shit last time he said this it was BAD NEWS

M: I have never said this to anyone else.

K: holding my breath... everything is in suspense, scary music playing in the background in my head.. Okay what is it? (is he going to dump me?????)

M: I'm falling for you. I think I'm in love with you. Everytime I leave you I just.... (pause) can't wait to see you again. I was just listening to that song "Built to Last" I had never listened to the lyrics before and then just then I heard it properly and I feel like the guy in the song..

K: (INSIDE: O my gosh like fireworks went off inside, no drug could ever substitute this feeling arrrrggghhhhh my feelings are returned finally :) Yaaaayyyyy)

Well the rest is just corny romantic bla di bla... but everything is good with us so far.. I love waking up next to him, making food for him. I made roast chicken for the first time and somehow because I was making food for him my senses were heightened and the flavours came alive in my mouth -- usually I just think it needs more salt/water, well it needs more everything so my cooking had never really gotten any attention because it was crap.. (pretty much).

This roast chicken was okay though (thank God for Jamie Oliver) I didn't use his recipe but his cooking show inspired me to cook and so :) arrggghhhh Mr. Scrubbles now I got another reason to love Holland even more, thanks loving me back...

Ik hou van jou..

Karina is Dirt/Doormat Vol.2

2008-02-25T23:52:00.000+01:00

Last night I stayed over at his place, it's been a while but I had dinner with his family we had a great conversation and as per usual he was in his silent mode. He has a great family who spoils him to bits sometimes I wonder if he is even aware of that because he acts like a little shit. I don't understand what I can do for him, it's like the more I love him and the more affectionate I become the more he pulls himself away from me.

In the beginning he would freely express his feelings and showed how much he wanted me. Now I feel like I'm trapped in the same old vicious cycle: boy-likes-girl, girl-likes-boy-too but then-girl-starts-to-like-boy-more-than-boy-likes-girl-so-boy-takes-girl-for-granted. This is the same scenario I had to endure with my ex, ARGH??!?!*!*

I want to be a SUPER-BITCH to him you know maybe if I like reverse my feelings then he would like fall head over heels for me or something but I can't stay mad at him for too long!! I got out of the house with my grumpy face without saying good-bye to him but all the way home on the bus I felt so shit and he probably FEELS NOTHING! Here I am dedicating an entire blog to him and he probably THINKS NOTHING OF ME.

I'm too old, way to frikkin old to be running for an emotional marathon and I thought I would be able to handle his volatile moods but I just can't. I don't have the time to be upset, I don't have the money to go on dates and I definitely need to prioritize my studies. Yet everything I say and I do will always contradict each other, I never follow through with any of my words. It just sits there on a piece of paper or displayed on the computer screen but the words never become action they just lay there to remind me of my ultimate weakness "ALL TALK but NO ACTION"

Haihhh.....Last night he told me how next year he plans to go on an internship to France, then I gave him a puzzled look "Er... so then are you going to conveniently break up with me before you go??" He gave me the sneakiest of smiles it was like he was imagining his wild-single-days in France right then and there. Then I said "There's no point anymore then let's just break up", he replied without hesitation "That's a stupid conclusion". As cheesy and so not what an independent woman would think or say, I really don't see the point of being in a relationship if you can already foresee that it would crack. F**k that shit, don't waste my time and energy, I was so mad I wanted to go home straight away even though it was past midnight. I really didn't care I couldn't be in the same space..

Then he stopped me from leaving and apparently he "had something to say to" me. "I don't ever think in the long run, marriage etc. is too far ahead for me, I'm still young." I wanted to pull my hair in frustation but instead I said "I know that, which is why I told you that I don't want to play games, I didn't want to "drag" you into something serious while you could be enjoying your bachelorhood". "I know, but I said I wanted to be serious with you, I already had my fun and I think commitment can be a good thing", (he placed my palm on his left chest) "I have feelings for you and there's no way that I'm going to let you go for six months". Yes I fell for this big-ass-bullshit I would so love to believe that but I'm so scared too. What he said and what he does is all so very contradictive I can put my heart on the line just yet, can I?

Veritas.. I seek you from him..

Working/Living/Studying/Loving Someone other than Yourself

2008-02-06T21:50:00.000+01:00

I had found a job just before the New Year, I was in desperate need of one! I work at a souvenir shop in one of the busiest streets in Amsterdam. I haven't worked in two years! I was rusty which explained my "slowness" and many other things. Last time I worked was as a paper delivery girl hahahahahaha I delivered a free weekly paper to 250 houses and earned a meagre 20 bucks a week. Previous to that I was a hot waitress or more like a restaurant slave. I wish I was a bar bitch or something but my looks were not sufficient for serving drinks to drunken men who can't see in the dim lighting (well every chick bartender I have seen are amazingly hot; my face just doesn't cut it--I reckon.. )

Anyways this new job, keeps me moving and I was no longer idle; it can get incredibly tiresome but I don't mind, at least my hours get converted into CASH$$$$!!! What am I going to do with all money well my NUMERO UNO priority is EURO TRIP! I plan to travel to Rome and Madrid within the next 6 months! The next priority I shall keep to myself hehehee.. Also I'm going to release my mother from the chains of my transport costs hehehe!

My Dutch is improving greatly, I try to speak Dutch most of the time to the Dutch customers as well as when I go on my shopping trips!! I really really hope to be fluent by the end of two years! I miss my family so much but Ik hou van AMSTERDAM (I love Amsterdam). I don't ever want to leave, something really strange is rooting me deep into the ground. I don't know why but I can see myself here 10 years down the track, I couldn't see that when I was in Jakarta.

My studies.... hmmmmmmm this is actually an area of my life that I'm not so proud of at the moment. I know I can do so much better but I haven't tried very hard so I didn't get "good" results. So this year is MY year for being better at everything. I want this year to be different, because I really want to put my words into ACTION.

I have been reading a book which is a popular motivational/life changing book for many people including myself. I won't reveal the name of the book here, I will only disclose the title to somebody who has a genuine interest. Also I'm not doing FREE advertising for the book hahahahahahahaha.

The basic message of the book well of any motivational book really is for us to reconsider the power of thought, the brain is an incredible effective and powerful organ. If we persist on thinking negatively then course of our lives will be affected negatively. When people say think positive, DO IT!!

On Love: I forgave Mr. Scrubbles and decided to continue the relationship. A choice which I have come to regret immensely; he now treats me like dirt. I'm a fucking doormat, he expects me to adjust to him yet he is so resistant to change. Well it's probably my own fucking fault for dating a fucking teenager! I missed him so much and on the way home I was surrounded by couples!! I was sitting behind an affectionate couple and infront of this Brittish boy and girl who were talking about an engagement party and a ring. JUST SO GREAT AIN't IT??

Cest la vie!

I'm totally in love with Adele's song "Chasing Pavements", so boys and girls should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? (with regards to Mr. Scrubbles, of course)

New Year.. New Love.. New Me

2008-01-30T23:39:00.000+01:00

Okay so it's been almost a month in the New Year but I have had exams the last couple of weeks so this is a delayed response. After the new year, I wrote on my facebook status that "I was indifferent to the New Year, infact it was the same shit, different year". I was disappointed that nothing spectacular happened so I can start fresh with A BIG BANG!!

Then I met Mr. Scrubbles on that faithful day of the January the 5th, I had no expectations, we were just out for coffee or something like that. Then as I sat beside him, I felt a glorious tingle in my stomach, that silly butterfly non-sense that everyone had always talked about. I didn't want to act upon it, I just sat there listening to him talk then we got closer and closer to each other. I placed my head on my shoulder, I felt a shiver down my spine.

Let me just fast-forward to when my lips landed on his; I initiated it.. against my own and my friends' better judgement. Then we walked in the midst of freezing Amsterdam, walking alongside the canals (grachts) holding hands, each time we pass a lonesome alley we would go there and kiss like crazy. I was a mad woman who had longed to be touched by the warmth of a man's skin.

Mr. Scrubbles had the most intense set of eyes I had ever looked into and it was obvious that his eyes concealed a pandora's box. The next day he asked me out, to officially become his girlfriend. I was astonished but so blissful and said "Yes, I'd love to be your girlfriend" immediately. Maybe I should've waited for the leopard does not reveal his spots in the beginning. The next couple of weeks I spent with Mr. Scrubbles are probably the most memorable and the closest thing I felt to the love euphoria. I was on a constant high, I couldn't wait to see him, be with him, taste his lips and live!

Alas something so wonderful is usually temporary, the moments were too good to be true. On tuesday night, 29th January he told me online: that he had kissed another girl. I knew something was up, I could tell he was avoiding me or something had changed. We had just said good bye in the afternoon on saturday and then that very same night he kissed that girl. It doesn't stop there, he also went to see her the very next day and apparently their "bond" strengthened.

I was so afraid of being alone again that I ignored his misconduct and I just wondered whether he would choose me or her. I went to see him on Tuesday night, I went psycho; screaming and yelling. His words had just dissolved, everything he said were meaningless and untrue. I wanted so much to break up with him but the stupid and stronger part of me wouldn't let go. I told him that I still want to be with him and I really don't care about what had happened on Saturday night. Then he went psycho and told me to go home because he needed some space and time to think. He had to think, he had to think.....

I just feel so fucked up now, I never even thought twice about taking the morning after pill, seeing him at odd hours during the night, sitting alone in his room while he is out with his friends. I never once questioned my actions and I DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN, but then again I think I do. I expect him to feel the same way as I do, I expect him to travel across Europe with me, I expect him to buy me red tulips on Valentine's day.

I hate waiting, he told me to be strong but you know what, I won't contact him. He can do that and if he doesn't then this is the end of Karina's holland love story part 1. (I hope there will be more than part 1 hahaha)

Goodnight, slaap lekker...

The most fun I had in a while

2007-12-16T21:32:00.000+01:00

One word comes into mind when I recall that night on the 12th December, 2007: GEWELDIG, which in Dutch translates into awesome! I haven't laughed till my belly hurts or with tears ruining my mascara in a very long time.

The ironic thing is I had fun with strangers; people I have never encountered before in my whole lifetime. This is the type of thing that happened to me a lot in Perth when I'm out with my girls without any expectation of what the night may present.

I keep contradicting myself to the previous blog that I wrote, it's hard to walk straight on the line of life I think but then again consistency was never my forte. I'm looking around my room and me thinks that "damn I got so much shit and I've only been here for like 3 months!".

I am learning some new Dutch sentences hehehehe!! Check it out:

Ik ben Karina (for the lingually-challenged Jack-ASSES: I am Karina)
Ik kom uit Indonesia (I come from Indonesia)
Ik woon hellemaal boven, onder het dak (I live on the very top level, under the roof)
Amsterdam is erg koud, maar nog gezellig (Amsterdam is BLOODY COLD, but still pleasant)

I miss my mom terribly, even though I'm having a blast in Amsterdam, I still cry everytime I think of her. I have the cutest and greatest mum ever :) Wish she was here with me! She was though for my first month in Holland, I don't think I would've made it without her.

Holland brings her good and bad memories simultaneously, my grandmother died here from a heart attack when my mom was only 17 yrs old. We visited her old house in Haarlem, it was still there (unbelievably!) and looked sort of the same...

The tiny peak there is the kitchen and my mom lived on the top floor with my grandma. My grandmother's name is Rukmini Saleh and my name middle is Rukmini, my mother brought my grandmother in a casket from Holland to Indonesia and now she returns here with me (the only one of her daughters whom have been to Amsterdam) to Holland.

The circle is complete. I can't believe that I am standing here in Amsterdam, I have never seen my grandmother but I think just like me she had liked Amsterdam too.

Amsterdam Street Photography

2007-12-15T23:14:00.000+01:00

I walked around Amsterdam with a bunch of people from the MeetinAmsterdam.org, we were all ready with our super-sized cameras to capture moments or even anything that is distinctively Amsterdam or even tourist-ey.. Each time I think of Amsterdam, bicycles pop into mind straight away. Everyone here bikes everywhere, after clubbing, going to work/uni and just because. I think that improves both the health of the citizens and the atmosphere of Amsterdam, the air here is purely crisp and clean :) Well here are the results of the day, I borrowed my aunt's huge camera, so it was my first time using this thing... Hope to hear your comments :)

Slowly Sinking into Depression...

2007-12-08T23:31:00.000+01:00

My favourite quote ever is

"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive" -- Bugs Bunny

However I recently conducted a quick analysis on the level of seriousness that I exert over my life, and the results proved that I do take things a little too seriously. I take my feelings too seriously thus I fall in love too frequently, I think too much what the next person is thinking about me (when they probably don't even care..). I've been taking the wrong things seriously, I haven't taken "studying" seriously at all, I'm such a slack ass.

Winter in Amsterdam does not help my discipline, infact it prevents me from getting out of bed every morning. When I walk out of the door in the morning, it's just such a sight: the wind blows really hard (I've seen like so many broken umbrellas in the trash bin on the street), the rain never stops and it's FRIKKIN freezing!!

In addition to all of the above, I am boyfriend-less and some skin on skin warmth could brighten up my day; a MASCULINE hug is badly needed! I long to place my head against a sturdy chest. I wish for a hug given by a male who is a not a family member nor a friend.

I looked in the mirror when I was brushing my teeth, I was repulsed at the very sight of me, I've got a pimple farm on my forehead and due to my weight gain my cheeks have ballooned excessively... JUST EUGH.. eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

that's it I need prozac.. and a new face, actually make that a new body!!!!!!!!!!

Superbad is actually super duper good...

2007-12-05T18:36:00.000+01:00

I haven't seen a good movie in a while, and dare-I-say-it: I'm a tough movie critic, it takes a lot for a movie to please me! Hahahaha anyways this is not the typical teenage movie with love bla di bla but it sort of has the same orientation with most teenage movies "get girls drunk at party and have sex before we graduate from high school". I thank the censorship board of the Netherlands because there were no bleeps so I could fully enjoy the movie at its face-swearing-value.

I love these guys, the characters in the movie were 'sort of' based on the writers themselves, the Cohen brothers. They are the underdogs but there was not a moment where I felt any sympathy for them, I just laughed at them continuously without feeling guilty which is good cause then I didn't have some sort of moral conflict, whatever...

Fogell should actually be in this movie poster too because he is sooo cute and nerdy and he's an actual high school nerd ie. not an actor! I want my child to have McLovin as his/her middle name! SERIOUSLY! I haven't had a proper laugh in so long, I'd recommend it to anyone who needs cheering up especially in this awful winter weather of Amsterdam!! SUPERBAD is geweldig (awesome in Dutch)!

Oh which reminds of the other super duper movie which I seriously want to buy! I also want to buy the "Vote for Pedro" t-shirt (anyone knows where I can get them?) Napoleon Dynamite is probably one of the most enjoyable movies ever. I want to marry John Heder! I always wanted to marry a great dancer.. you know that they're **** hehehehe

O yeah by the way it's like Sinterklaas day today (5th December) in the Netherlands, they have like a different concept here. Sinterklaas has a horse named "Amerigo" and he travels with his assistants "Zwarte Piet" or Black Pete. I couldn't see Sinterklaas arriving from Spain because I had mistaken the dates! If you want to see details go to wikipedia hehehe cause.. I'm sleepy and can't be bothered to write more... winter is a real EVIL weather.. it makes you fat and prevents you from getting out of your cosy and warm bed! Can't wait for it to be over..

Looking Ahead: Renaissance

2007-11-17T23:30:00.000+01:00

No more self-pity, insecurities, paranoia and self-loathing. The countdown had begun on the day I was born, I haven't a clue on how many days I have left on earth but my only wish before death is that I had a life of premium quality. From now onwards I'd like to spend my life with a positive outlook and a happy disposition. I have to consider my priorities because what I do now will ultimately have "butterfly effects" on the future.

I can't just talk/discuss about what I WANT TO DO, it is more important for me to act upon my words. I am in Amsterdam to study, to finish my Bachelor's degree and hopefully continue on to do my Master's degree as well.

Thus, Renaissance: Re-birth
I know it's so cliche but I need some radical measures to spin my life in the right direction. I focus too much on the insignificant/irrelevant parts of life and I always distract myself from the ultimate goal. So tomorrow is a new beginning for me and the key is to be CONSISTENT with my vows!

1. Study efficiently and effectively.
Start NOW! Plan, take notes, review and complete exercises and assignments, a healthy life style and a sufficient amount of rest is necessary for an optimal performance during exams!

2. Beauty, Mind and Soul
Love Karina in everyway from every angle. Know your best assets and INVEST in them (personality,family&friends), pray to God and be thankful always for everything you have.

3. Pro-Health
Your diet choices affect your health so make good choices ~ always.
1. Food Journal 2. Exercise Regime 3. STICK TO IT - consistency

4. Financial Emancipation
Liberate your wallet and take your independence to another level. I WILL GET THAT JOB!

5. Mr. Right Now
This factor ie. "relationships" always had a negatively prominent impact on me. Twist it! que sera sera ~ what ever will be will be, because the future's not mine too see :)

TOMORROW is the 18th November 2007.....
Ya Tuhan tolong aku, hanya Engkau yang bisa mewujudkan semua ini karena Engkaulah yang Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Kuasa. Bimbingan Mu pasti akan membawaku ke jalan yang benar. ku percaya padaMu ya Tuhan.
Amin

Let's be numb again...

2007-11-09T23:38:00.000+01:00

Dear Lord,

Please freeze my heart, so it won't feel. I think feelings are unnecessary at this point, please seal my heart with steel so it won't break. I ask You to rationalize my every being, so I don't fall for anyone anymore. I don't ever want to take the first step in love, because love hates me so much it doesn't know what to do with me.

I'm feeling much better now, but I can sense a widening gap within me. Slowly I'm becoming the hollow woman, I saw a heart breaking video clip today, she was crying for a lost love. Her pain is so real and I felt it, I was teary-eyed. I promised myself not to cry over him, but I did, I hate this "feeling" concept. Help me get rid of it please, let me be numb again.

Please.....

...........Please.

Live and Let Learn

2007-11-06T00:34:00.000+01:00

I re-read my journals and had glimpse of my past; my life, overall is truly splendid couldn't ask for a better life. I have fully functioning limbs, senses and organs, an extremely devoted family and beloved relatives and friendships that will last me a lifetime. From a far it seems almost picture perfect but then again my dear, nothing is perfect.

I want to be sleeping beauty MINUS the kissing by the prince part because after the kiss life gets complicated:

1. She gets married to the Prince and then 5 years later she's a divorcee with 3 royal children.
2. By then she's too old to get back into the single pool or...

I dunno, my mind's messing up again. I BLAME IT ON LACK OF SLEEP AND CRAZY AMSTERDAM WEATHER!!!!!

Arrrrggghhhh
- My Jumbo Umbrella was like screwed up because of the wind

- I was soaked and my hands were frozen

- Running late to university

- Had no breakfast

ARRRggggghhhHHHHH

EXAMS are over!

2007-11-04T18:49:00.000+01:00

You know after all these years... I mean I have already done about 190 exams and I have never learnt from the past. For my recent exams I did my revision last minute (again) and I spent too much time trying to answer a question! I was never CONCISE, I always regretted doing that everytime after I came out of an exam and I always made a VOW to be better and CONCISE for the next set of exams yet... the woman, ME DID IT AGAIN LAHHHHHHH.....

Apparently experience is your greatest teacher then damn it my experience SUCK!!! Or perhaps I'm a bad student?? Arrgghhh me not know....

I also haven't learnt to master my abundant and varied feelings. I think I'm slightly cuckoo but then again so is a lot of people. I messed up big time today on Sunday afternoon, 4th November 2007. I released my stored-up frustations on some innocent bloke. He probably thinks I'm crazy and for shurreeeeeee my sizzllleeee he's thinking something like: "Okay better not talk/sms/call/bump into Karina EVER."

I went to the zoo on Friday, I saw some penguins and crickets making love at different times and venues of course. It was so funny, they all did it "doggy style", all these little kids were like watching as well, hmmmm some education they get huh?? "LIVE FROM THE ZOO: penguin love and cricket intercourse!!"

Then I saw the polar bear, who had been rolling around in brown dirt (so her coat was BROWN not white as snow!) and she (her name is Tania I checked it out) looked sooo sad. Her eyes were so empty and she was just starring into the glass screen, she didn't care bout anyone who was trying to distract her by waving her arms or shouting out loud (that wasn't me of course!). The elephants looked no better, this one elephant kept swinging her trunks and banging her ass on the fence. It was a clear sign of stress! I hate the zoo!!

It's a catch 22 though, if they're released into their natural habitat they might end up being killed by the poachers. I wanted to hug Tania so bad and save her from that miserable enclosement.

I want someone to hug me too..

One cuddly polar bear for me please.....

Aaahh my dearest polar bear, wherefore art thou?

Can't sleep... it's 03:11 AM

2007-10-21T03:06:00.000+02:00

I can't sleep so I got up, turned on my ever-so-reliable laptop and connected to my speedy wireless internet and VOILA...

Spice Girls are getting back together people, go to www.spicegirls.com to check out their reunion tour dates I think it starts in December. Here's a video-clip from youtube for my sake and all spice girls diehards out there!

Does anyone know of the movie with the chicken?? The one that dances to the "No mane mane" tune, what is it called I have been trying to find the video clip, it's so hard. O yeah the nerdy chicken made out to an ugly duckling as well.

I'm munching on the famous american chocolate chip cookies with 37% chocolate chips, which means that .......................... vvv

sleepy now...

10 things I hate about my life..

2007-10-20T23:34:00.000+02:00

I hate the fact that I am:

1. Clocking in more hours on a networking site namely "F.....B...." than on STUDYING

2. Realising that I have three subjects which grades are 100% based on exams ie. no assigments, no presentations, no quizzes, no participation points

3. Fully aware that my exams start on the 30th of October yet I'm now online blogging instead of revising

4. Broke all the time ~ I have like no money in bank account and the shops are like so distracting!!

5. A food-lover: fatty/asian/dutch/cheese/mayo/EVERYTHING EDIBLE and tasty of course and thus my body is slowly but SURELY turning into a big blob of junk

6. Far from home; I miss my parents, sisters, dogs

I hate:

7. The internet: it has successfully ruined my life/prospects/relationships

8. MY STUPID FRINGE, the hairdresser had it cut too frikking short and it's growing at a ridiculously slow rate!

9. The cat and mouse game. BOYS just get over it, I'm too old! Either you take it or leave it. Don't waste my time, I'm a big girl I can take a NO for a answer. We're not in high school anymore for goodness sake!

10. My continuously growling stomach--it's always hungry!

Funny /Cute Stuff.. according to me anyways

2007-10-20T23:10:00.000+02:00

Food Glorious Food

2007-10-18T22:14:00.001+02:00

I love cheese, melted cheese on toast. Dutch cheese: Bellegen is my favourite. I never knew there were so many categories of cheese: YOUNG, MILD and old! They are all heavenly fattening but then again life goes on and in my next life I will be supermodel, I'm doing enough eating for my second life.

No pictures of Cheese but I had this yummy pancake at De Carousel and appelsapp or Apple juice!

O yeah the Dutch eat their fries or in Dutch: "patat" or "friet" with mayonnaise. It's hella good, hmmm I can see the kilos stacking on my hips already.. Oohhh how nice, so you go overseas to get educated but then you get fat as well just great... just FANTASTIS

All this talk about food makes me want to....

.....25 minutes later

BACK! I just finished eating chese and toast. AIYAAAAAAAAA there goes my diet plan. Damn that plan ~freaking time inconsistent!

Tram Accident - 30th of August '07

2007-10-18T22:01:00.000+02:00

YIKES this is my first public transport accident in a developed country!!

So me and mom where talking about how I should stop shopping like there's no tomorrow all of a sudden, WHAM! BAM! THANK YOU TRAM!!

My tram had narrowly missed the rear of this huge tour bus who was taking a sharp turn one minute a little too slow/late whatever. However one of the windows closeby to where we were sitting was like cracked...real BAD

Me being the "tourist" had a camera ready and yeah well "captured a few Kodak moments".

"Here comes the tram, ready to hit the bus la la la la"
(Tune: Here comes the bride)

~The Great Window Crack~

Wakksss it's my first time in Europe!!

2007-10-18T21:35:00.001+02:00

Check out my ride and my crib in Holland hahahha cool huh?

24th August : Departed Jakarta
25th August: Arrived in Schipol, Amsterdam

O yeah, whilst I was entering the plane I realised that me, mom and all the other Asians are the shortest people on the planet. Dutch people are soooo tall, they're like skycrapers -- I was in awe hehehehe

First impression/feelings of Amsterdam:
-Crisp, clean air
-[In the Car] Wow you people take over from the left, what how come your stirring wheel is on the left??
-In a primary-school-girl fashion: Europe is soooooo COOOOLLLLL!!